For Lent, I am giving up self-criticism and learning to not only accept but love and appreciate my body. I was always self-conscious of my body and very harsh to myself because of it. I was too scrawny and too short. My face looked too young, my boobs were too small. But none of these compared to what I felt for my nose; it was pure hatred. Even after I came into adulthood and felt I overcame my insecurities, I still didn’t like my nose. I tried learning to contour with makeup and edited my pictures to make my nose look smaller and straighter. I even seriously considered getting a nose job. I did all the research on what the surgery entails, what you need to do to prepare, the recovery process, and even financing. I was prepared to take out a loan if necessary just to cut off my nose and replace it with a shiny, new plastic one. I looked up and contacted several places to get an estimate of the cost and looked at client reviews. I kept thinking that now is the time to do it because I’m getting married and I want to love looking back at my wedding photos rather than being upset about how my nose looks in them.

I recently decided, however, that I want to learn to love my nose. It was really Buddhist philosophy that helped me see things differently. Our bodies are the only place we have to live, so it is our duty to take care of them. We need not only to accept ourselves, but truly love ourselves. To do this, we should treat ourselves the way we would treat someone else whom we love unconditionally, like our children. With this perspective, I realized that what I’m telling myself would not at all be what I would tell my children. To put my body through a horrible, painful, expensive surgery even when there’s nothing really wrong with it doesn’t seem very loving. 

I choose to love myself rather than to constantly criticize. But this negative image I have of myself isn’t going to be easy to overcome. I need tangible steps I can take in order to change the perception I have of my nose. I decided to turn to art. Since I have a skin picking disorder, I’ve recently been sculpting small figures out of clay to keep my hands occupied so I won’t scratch at my face. When I was thinking about this challenge, I started to sculpt a model of my nose. I thought this was such a good idea because this way I can see my nose as a piece of art and appreciate its uniqueness. This clay sculpture is a small step for now, but I’m excited to see where this new self-love, nose-love journey leads me. 

From now to when Lent ends in April, I will be trying various methods of increasing self-love with a focus on body positivity. Along with my art, I will be reading Your Body Is Not An Apology by Sonya Renee Taylor for inspiration. I would love to hear any suggestions you have too and encourage you to also use this time of self-reflection to learn to love your body.