Mindfulness Meditation Is Hard but Grounding Makes It Easy

Meditation can be hard for beginners. I know this personally. My mind is always running a thousand miles an hour nonstop. I’m constantly lost in thought. Sometimes it can be a good thing because it sparks creativity. Quite often though I end up hyperfocusing on one small thing I did wrong, one bad memory, or pointing out all my flaws and getting upset that I could never reach my dreams because of them. Sounds dramatic, but I know for a fact that all of this is actually pretty common. 

In today’s globally connected world, new technology comes out every day offering new ways to communicate with people online. Just opening one app on our phones gives us access to the thoughts and opinions of thousands of people we will never meet. The news media constantly flood our television, social media feeds, and inboxes with attention-grabbing and emotion-stirring stories. Simply put, the world is LOUD. So of course it’s difficult to concentrate when a million things are flying through our ears and filling up our heads. This culture of loud, emotional, busy stress is why so many people find it difficult to meditate. It isn’t easy to tune that all out.

I could name many reasons why everyone should try meditation. In my opinion, the people who struggle with meditation the most are the ones who need it the most. But no matter how confident we are that something is good for us, we tend to only turn to try out this “good stuff” when we are at our most desperate. For example, everyone knows that vegetables are good for us; you really can’t argue against that. Yet most Americans do not consume enough vegetables in their diet. It’s usually when one receives a serious medical prognosis from a doctor that one actually decides to eat healthier.

My greatest impetus for meditation was also health-influenced. I heard about mindfulness meditation and became interested in trying it to help cope with stress. I downloaded some apps and gave it try for a bit, but I didn’t dedicate myself to building this skill until recently. Over the past couple years, I have been struggling with one medical issue after another and have still not received a diagnosis. The most daunting symptom of my mystery illness is the unintentional weight loss. Even though most of my symptoms have improved, I still have not gained any weight. I’m already a small, skinny person by nature, so even losing just 5 pounds can be cause for alarm; I lost over 10.

When I first switched to a vegetarian/vegan diet, I lost a couple pounds, but this I attributed to my change in diet and was not worried about it. I stayed a consistent weight for quite some time, but then I dropped two more pounds. I hadn’t weighed that little for a very long time, so I started getting worried. When I reached out to my primary care doctor, she said she thinks it’s just my body type and that I seem perfectly healthy. My GI doctor on the other hand said I have a low BMI and need to gain weight. This was around the holidays, so I had hoped all that feasting with the family would help me put on a few more pounds. Unfortunately, it did not. I lost yet another two pounds and this finally started to make my primary care doctor curious and concerned. 

After my governor enacted a stay-at-home order due to the coronavirus, I mostly met with my doctors online and therefore was not getting weighed regularly. I felt pretty okay though, so I assumed my weight probably went back up. When I finally visited the doctor’s office, they took my vitals then I stepped on the scale. I now weighed 10 pounds below my normal weight! I was so shocked, I had them weigh me twice to be sure. At this point I started panicking. A few days later, I saw another doctor who weighed me even lower. My anxiety went into overdrive. I felt very fragile and was worried that I would snap in half. I started weighing myself every morning when I got up and every night before going to bed. My mind would be racing trying to investigate the cause of the weight loss on my own. In the back of my mind though I knew that anxiety and stress can potentially contribute to weight loss. I tried to focus on calming my mind, trusting that my doctors are doing what they can to figure this out, and only taking actions that were achievable in the moment. 

I learned a lot while struggling with this problem and want to share the way I’ve learned to calm my mind amid the stress and emotions that arise in situations like this. As previously mentioned, I had tried mindfulness meditation prior to this, but I easily became frustrated with it because I could never clear my mind. Rather than trying to force myself into it (which is actually counterproductive), I decided to take a break from mindfulness. Instead, I started to learn more about what mindfulness meditation actually is before attempting it again. Sometimes taking a step back can help you to take two steps forward.

As I began to develop a clearer understanding of mindfulness, I was reminded of a technique a previous therapist taught me called grounding. With grounding, you do little things to bring your attention to your surroundings or your breath or body. The purpose of grounding is to bring yourself out of your head and into the present moment. When your mind focuses on one objective thing, it quiets the noise from your anxiety and emotions. I decided to go back to these grounding techniques and slowly work myself up to mindfulness meditation. 

I encourage you to try out these techniques and slowly ease yourself into meditation. There are numerous ways to practice grounding, but these are some ways I found helpful in building up to mindfulness meditation:

  1. Counting White Objects: Look around at your surroundings and count every white object you can see.
    • Example: If I try this technique as I am writing this, I would count a door, a receipt, a letter, a bottle, a tissue, and an outlet.
  2. See, Hear, Feel: Name three things you see, three things you hear, and three things you physically feel in this moment.
    • Example: I see a staircase, a guitar, a jar of almonds; I hear the clacking of a keyboard, tapping of rain on the window, the chirping of crickets outside; I feel the pillow on my neck, my laptop under my wrists, the lapdesk on my thighs.
  3. One Sense at a Time: Close your eyes, focus on one of your senses, and notice everything you can.
    • This one requires a lot of concentration. I would suggest trying the ‘see, hear, feel’ technique a few times before attempting this. 
    • Example: Focusing on hearing, I first start with the obvious sounds of people talking around me, the television playing, etc. Then I concentrate deeper and notice other sounds that I previously didn’t notice like the quiet sound coming from the air conditioner and the small creaks my old house likes to make occasionally. In a quiet room, I may be able to go even deeper and start to hear more that I would normally miss like neighbors talking outside or a dog barking in the distance, the wind blowing past the window. I’ve found that in a quiet room you discover the most noise.
  4. Body Scan: Close your eyes and focus on one small part of your body at a time and notice everything you feel, whether it’s something physically touching that spot or a muscle ache or tightness in the area.
    • Example: I start from the top of my head and work my way down to my toes. When I focus on my head, I can feel my hair tugging on my scalp where it’s pulled back into a ponytail. Moving down, I feel my glasses resting on my nose and ears. I feel a small ache in my neck from my poor posture (good reminder to sit up properly), I feel my shirt moving on my chest as I breathe, I feel how tense my shoulders are (reminds me to relax), I feel my lapdesk resting on my thighs and the edge slightly digging into my hip bone (again, reminder to sit up properly), I feel myself sinking into the cushion I am sitting on. I feel the softness of the slippers on my feet.
  5. Notice Your Breath: Sit up tall, close your eyes, pay attention to your breath.
    • Sound familiar? Yep, this is also a form of meditation. Meditation and ‘grounding’ are based on similar concepts. Breathing is a great focal point for meditation because it is something we do automatically and it causes movement in our bodies, giving us another sensation to notice.
  6. Mindfulness Meditation: If you have tried and found the other grounding techniques helpful, you’re ready to try meditation again. Mindfulness meditation can be done in many ways. Try to focus on a certain thing, such as your breath or the sound of a chime. As thoughts enter your mind, acknowledge them, accept them, let them go, refocus. 
    • The goal is not to suppress your thoughts, but rather to become aware of your thoughts and emotions without judgement and without fixating on them. This is not easy, but you don’t have to be perfect. Do not berate yourself for having a tough time with meditation. If you start to feel a certain emotion, such as frustration, acknowledge that you are feeling this emotion, accept that something brought this emotion into your mind, and let it pass; refocus. 
    • Example: I sit in silence focusing on my breath. I feel relaxed. Without realizing, my mind starts replaying stressful moments from my day. When I become aware that a thought entered my mind, I will think “I am thinking about this specific thing that happened today and it is making me feel stressed and anxious.” I resist the urge to linger on this thought or let the anxiety take over. I come back to my breath, notice my chest rising and falling and become relaxed again.

Working my way up to mindfulness meditation with grounding, I was able to calm my anxiety about my weight loss. While the concern is still there, I can focus on the things that I am able to do while I wait on direction from my doctors. Grounding and meditation have allowed me to focus on the things I can do in the moment. Without first calming my mind, I would not have the concentration to do the things that are actually helpful and important to my healing. I still would not consider myself good at meditating, but you don’t have to be good at it for it to help you; it is a process. In fact, many scientists argue that simply trying meditation can have just as much of an impact as doing it “accurately.” So don’t be discouraged when you notice your mind starting to wander; it’s part of the process.

I hope my experience can help you in whatever situation you may be in that is causing you stress. Grounding can be useful in so many diverse situations. Practice these techniques whenever you start to notice anxiety creeping up on you. Remember that the goal is not to be perfect at meditation. You are doing this for you, so you get to decide your milestones and figure out what works for you. If you have had a positive experience with other techniques not listed here, please share what you have found helpful in the comments. We will learn and grow together. I wish you inner peace, happiness, and healing from whatever situation you are in that brought you here. Namaste.